Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That's intense
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
