i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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