Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
