Moan for me like Helen Keller
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
