I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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