youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
