the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
