The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
