I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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