I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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