I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
