I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
