you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
