a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
