Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
