I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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