Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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