dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
