Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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