two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
