thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
