Plan B is the new Plan A
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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