When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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