I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
