you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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