i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
