The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
