i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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