Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
