If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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