well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
