naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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