i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
