he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
