hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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