i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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