Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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