It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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