I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
