Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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