Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
