I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize