I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
