Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
