The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize