Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
