You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
