a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
