i just had sex bonerless
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize