i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
