This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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