I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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