I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
