You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
