My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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