He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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