I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
