If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
