We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
