i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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