This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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