She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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