he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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