my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
MIDGETS
????
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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