I can text with my tongue
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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