I can tuck mytits in my pants
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
