Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
