But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
