Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
