Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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