i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
