I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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