Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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