We're facebook friends in real life
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
