just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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